Break up with your bed, not your partner

The Truth About Menopause and Sleep: Why You Need More Than a Band-Aid Fix

Getting a good night sleep at our age is like someone sneezing and delivering a paper with no labour pains. It might happen but we don’t want to bring it up and get the stink eye from the rest of us sleepless, barely functioning zombies of midlife. So, let’s talk about sleep during menopause. If you’re waking up drenched in sweat, tossing and turning all night, or glaring jealously and ragey at your snoring partner, you’re not alone. Sleep disturbances are one of the most common and most frustrating symptoms of menopause, affecting everything from mood to metabolism.

But here’s the thing: slapping a Band-Aid on the issue won’t cut it. Sure, cooling sheets, blackout curtains, and white noise machines might help, but they don’t address the real culprit—your shifting hormones. Instead of just masking the symptoms, it’s time to dig deeper and get to the root of why menopause is wreaking havoc on your rest.

Why Menopause Messes with Your Sleep

As estrogen and progesterone levels decline, your body becomes more sensitive to temperature, stress, and disruptions. The result? A perfect storm of sleep struggles, including:

• Hot flashes and night sweats that jolt you awake – and keep you there.
• Increased anxiety, leading to racing thoughts at 2 a.m. This is when you ruminate about your financial future, the mess you’ve made of your kids and more.
• Lighter sleep, making every noise and movement feel like an earthquake. See “angrily looking at the back of sleeping partners head.”
• Frequent waking and difficulty falling back asleep

And if you’re sharing a bed with a partner who snores, shifts positions constantly, or runs on a different sleep schedule, the struggle intensifies putting your partner’s safety outside of the safety zone.

The Rise of the Sleep Divorce: A Trend That Makes Sense

Remember June and Ward Cleaver from “Leave it to Beaver”? It took me til today year’s old to realize that rhymes.  That happy couple slept in 2 single beds. And that is how they managed to be annoyingly chipper when dealing with ‘the Beav” (and I will not insert the obvious joke here). As we left that era, couples who slept in separate beds were seen as having "marital problems." It is where we go when we have a disagreement, right? Someone sleeping ‘in the spare room’ was positive confirmation of marital woes. 

But today, more and more couples are realizing that sleeping apart can strengthen their relationship. It’s not about emotional distance—it’s about prioritizing good sleep, which in turn leads to better moods, more patience, and yes, even a better sex life.

According to sleep experts, choosing separate bedrooms (or at least occasional solo sleep nights) can:

• Improve sleep quality, leading to better overall health
• Reduce stress and irritability in the relationship
• Create a sense of personal space, making intimate moments more intentional

The bottom line? If sleeping apart means you wake up feeling human again, it’s worth considering. I’m happy to get this trend going. I have a way better sleep when I’m alone and not worried about keeping my husband up with my anxiety attacks, hot flashes, middle of the night concerns about global warming and constant trips to the bathroom.

What If You Want to Share a Bed?

If separate sleeping arrangements don’t feel right for you, there are still ways to minimize menopause-related sleep disruptions while keeping the cuddle factor intact – if you’re still able to do that without melting into a puddle of sweat:

• Temperature control: Cooling mattress toppers, breathable bedding, and fans can help cool down hot flashes. Cool down – but not conquer. You still have to get to the bottom of your symptoms.
• Bedding adjustments: Ditch the one-big-blanket setup and try separate covers to accommodate different warmth preferences. We had a King bed with separate duvet covers during our trip to Portugal. Game changer!
• Noise management: Earplugs or white noise machines can help drown out snoring or movement.
• Routine syncing: Going to bed at the same time can help regulate sleep patterns and create a shared wind-down ritual. Regimented sleep hygiene is severely under-rated and can make a big difference in your quality of sleep.

The Real Fix? Addressing the Root Cause

While these strategies can offer relief, they don’t replace the need to tackle menopause symptoms at their source. Hormone therapy, lifestyle adjustments, and targeted supplements (I love Valerian Root or my Magnesium) can make a real difference in regulating sleep patterns, reducing anxiety, and minimizing night sweats.

So, before you resign yourself to yet another sleepless night—or start resenting your partner for simply existing—consider a proactive approach – like June and Ward. Because getting the sleep you deserve isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity for your well-being, your health, and yes, even your relationship.

Separate beds – good idea or bad idea? Let me know in the comments